I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
