i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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