DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
