I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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