Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
