after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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