oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
