dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
