Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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