I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
