I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
