even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
