whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
