how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think your dad took our porno
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
