I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
