Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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