You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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