What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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