so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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