My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
