Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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