terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
