Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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