I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
