my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
