Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
