So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
