I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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