OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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