If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
