I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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