But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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