Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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