You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
