I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
