i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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