he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
