I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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