At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
