I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
