I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Small penises have feelings too.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
