twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
