I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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