if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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