i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i think i just lost a toe
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
