There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
