She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
