Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My sheets look like a crime scene.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
