No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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