Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
