Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
