I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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