mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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