I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
