just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
