"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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