wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
