That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
