your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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