I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
