apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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