well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
