Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
