My friends, they love my intelligence
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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