I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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