yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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