3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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