We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
