I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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