I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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