I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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