Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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