When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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